I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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