i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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