capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
