Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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