Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
