Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
