I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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