I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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