apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
