I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
