so that wasnt chicken after all
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
