Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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