he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
