You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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