sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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