I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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