I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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