nut hugger
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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