well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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