last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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