Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
