Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
