nut hugger
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
