glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
