Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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