Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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