Jerry, you need to find god
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
