Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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