I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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