Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
