I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i jhust puked up my retainher.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
