How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
