It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
