I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
