I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
