Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
