I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
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We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize