i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize