He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
