Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
