Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
