I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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