it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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