my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
