You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
