we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
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I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
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I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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