you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
