just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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