well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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