Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
