This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
