I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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