Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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