First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
