Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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