i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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