Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
it hurts more in the daytime
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
