I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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