all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
