she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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