I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
