we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize