on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Found the puke drawer
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
