I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
