nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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