So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
