2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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