she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
