I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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