we made out on top of his cat.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
