P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
