Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
